An Ideal Family

What is an ideal family? In other words, what would be your “perfect” family? What would/do you do? What traditions will/do you have? How will/do you parent your kids? What is the feeling in the home, or what will it be? And, how are you going to make it all happen?

I’ve started to wonder what my future family will prospectively be like and how I (and my future husband) will create it.

I just recently returned from helping my mother teach a group of couples in a multi-day event that we call a Couple’s Retreat. At these events, our entire family helps to train and teach 10-20 couples how to self-govern their family. As we were teaching these couples, I started to think about how I was going to run my family. I already know the parenting style I like, it being the style I help teach. It’s based on Four Basic Skills:

•       Follow Instructions
•       Accepting No Answers
•       Accepting Consequences/Criticism
•       Disagreeing Appropriately

There are many other principles to Self-Government, but these pretty much summarize them all. It’s different from any other system I’ve ever seen or heard of.

I have lived this system my whole life and my parents have instituted it with all the foster children that were in our home and have shared it with so many people around the world. I have seen the impact it has had on those who implement it. It has united and blessed many families.

There is a difference between families who are self-governed and those who are not. It’s not that those who use the system of Self-Government are better than those who don’t. It’s just a way of life. If you look back into the history of the family (there is such a thing), it is easy to see how “the family” has evolved and changed.

In the 1800’s, families were much different. For example, in 1899, Charles E. Sargent, in his book “Our Home,” wrote: “Let us suppose a case, the most difficult we can conceive… Suppose a mother requests her boy to go to a neighbor’s house on an errand. The boy wished to play ball and stubbornly refuses to go. What shall that mother do? ‘Give him a good thrashing’…’Turn him over to his father’… One of the principal restraining faculties is conscience, or the sense of obligation. Now all are supposed to possess this faculty in some degree. Those who do not are morally deformed.”

Those are some strong words. Comparing that scenario to today’s youth, they all could be considered monstrosities. According to this passage, most of our young adults, and even some adults, are “morally deformed.” Morals have been twisted, reformed, and completely rejected in today’s society. They are of little worth to “the world’s people.” But to those who seek strong families and foundations, these morals and virtues are avidly sought for and clung to once found. They form the core of beliefs and the rules by which life is set. They are of enormous worth!

But, despite all the opposition from worldly influences, I’ve seen these middle-aged “monstrosities” have a total and complete change of heart when they have a governing system that is firm and consistent, where the parents are the leaders, not the children “ruling the roost.” When governed by principles of self-government, people become more selfless and happy. Life has more freedom.

My ideal family is governed on those principles. My future family won’t be perfect, but we will be happy and united when our “family government” is led by true principles and by the living God.